So, how many hurdles must one overcome before one realizes that maybe we're not as strong inside as we really thought we were. This seems to be one incessant thought that continues on and on in my head right now. How strong am I to handle all these challenges that never seem to diminish? "That which does not kill you will only make you stronger" Must we always stand at the precipice of death before we learn how we can truly shine? The one thing that I would like for myself is the ability to cry. I think that through all the hardships that I went through when I was younger, I have become numb to the truly deep emotions or at least to their expression. So many times I've wanted to cry and scream and shout and just rage, but I've become numb to such extremes. It's sometimes funny when people say, you don't understand what I'm going through, it's true, I can only empathize and sympathize, but I don't believe they should compare their experiences to mine. As time goes on, my whole philosophy of, "Everything will turn out alright in the end" is dissapating, like smoke in the wind. Slowly, slowly, I'm becoming bitter of the life that has been handed to me. Optimistic is fine, but how far can that rainbow of ideals, pardon the pun, extend? When I'm being pulled by an uncontrollable string to places where I don't want to go and am compelled to by my emotions and my ties. I wish I didn't feel this way about him, I wish she didn't have ish with my other friends, I wish I didn't have to go to work, I wish I wasn't on Academic Probation, I wish I had worked harder my freshman year.

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Yur dumb... You know I like you