Slowly but surely my problems are disappearing one by one. Well, I don't really think that they are disappearing, merely out of sight for the moment. Tonight I can at least take a huge sigh of relief. No more problems yet, school problems are being taken care of, money problems are at bay, but relationship problems... I don't think that will ever end. I swear, i don't know what to make of people, it's like they seem like they are willing to care but at the same time they don't. People need to stop lying to themselves and to others. I don't know what goes on in their heads, but I feel that when I open myself up, I leave myself vulnerable and easy to hurt. I guess I should stop doing that, stop giving a fuck about others. Every time I reach out my hand, more often than not, it is thrown right back in my face. Fuck that shit. I hate to sound so bitter, but how can one stand being beat in the head every fucking time. I guess this is the place to take out all my agressions. I just don't understand, am I cursed to like people who don't like me back, or say they do or seem like they do but not really? It's like, I don't know. It would be so much easier if I turned hoe, just hop from guy-to-guy not giving a fuck who I fuckover in the process. But I tried that and it's not me, it really isn't. It made me feel bad and dirty and not worthy of any good regards. I hate it when people tell me that they want to hoe around, it's almost like a personal affront. They want to become people who I don't like, they want to become people who have hurt me. What is that saying? I used to say, "I have so much love to give and no one to give it to," now I'd probably walk up to myself back then and fucking smash my brain in. You don't know what the fuck you're saying. People want this ideal. Not YOU. They always want something better. And I am not saying that I don't have my own hangups about how people look, because I do, but I seriously believe that... Eh, fuck it. I'm running out of steam.

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I found this really cool quote today, "I love you for putting your hand into my heaped-up heart, and passing over all the foolish ...and weak things... and for drawing out into the light all the beautiful and radiant qualities that no one else has looked quite deep enough to find." Why do I like it so much? If you can't figure it out, then you're missing a part of your heart. A very idealistic quote, if I do say so myself. No one is that open-minded.