Honesty... exactly how far should one go with honesty? I think I talked about this before. If you're too honest, it's bad, if you're not honest enough, it's bad. Blah, blah, blah, i'm getting tired of talking. Talking, always talking. No doing. That sounds like a Chinese Fortune Cookie fortune. I've noticed that I've been smoking more than usual, which is not me, I finished a pack in almost two days, that's not good. I hate being so stressed out like this and not having anyone to run to. I mean, I have my friends, but I can only achieve a certain level of comforting from them, I guess, on a very selfish level, I wish I had a boyfriend to run to. Someone to listen to me and understand where I'm coming from. Friends can do that, but I don't know... fawk... FAWK, I see myself going on this wild ride, up and down, up and down... FAWK. FAWK. Fuck. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. SHIT. FUCK. I have so much tension. I seem like a fucking idiot right now. I'm so ashamed of where I'm heading. Why the fuck should I care what people think about what I'm writing? You don't know me. It's hard keeping up this facade of always being cool and reserved without anyone really understanding. And even the ones you thought COULD understand, are just standing there by the sidelines. But that's assuming something that I know nothing about. FUCK this. I don't know what's going to happen. I've never been so scared in my life in so long. That's what it is... it's fear. I fear getting kicked out of school. I fear being alone for the rest of my life. I fear that I'm not going to be a success. I fear that I'm going to get played. FEAR! I'm talking like a madman... Whatever, I'm allowed my little indiscretions.

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... I've had enough.