So, it's a game of touch and go...no touch, no go! he he he. Relationships are really a roller coaster ride huh? I look at the relationship that my best friends have an I smile. Sure they have their problems but they seem to go out of their way to solve them. In Gurl's (not her really name) ten months that they have been together, they have both threatened to break up at least five times. The playgirl has settled into a relationship and confessed that she can't imagine herself NOT being in one. In Regina's relationship, they have been together since my sophomore year, halloween or around that time. They withstood a long distance relationship for over a year. Sure she says that she tires of him and has to go on long drives every so often, but she still likes him a lot. In Lillian's relationship, she has been with her guy for about six months now. The one most skeptical about relationships is in yet ANOTHER one. These girl's have people to come home to. And here is Kevin, pining away. Always waiting for the right person to come around. It's like a dream sometimes, you have these images of these people who have the potential to be someone special in your life but it never seems to reach fruition. Why not? Is it because I have too many expectations? I don't think so. Is it because I pick the wrong people? I don't think so. What is it then? Maybe it's just that people are not willing to take the effort. Am I not worth the effort? I certainly think that they are. *shrug* Sometimes I reach a point past sadness that it simply becomes numbness, like you've been beat down over the head so many times that your pain receptors are too traumatized to make the jump to the next one. Every one of my friends say that I am so wonderful, that the guy who gets me will be one of the luckiest guys in the world, unfortunately (these guys), they might not see it that same way. So how is it to go? Left, right, up, or down? Where do we ("we" being figurative) go from here? I'd rather be alone and lonely than be in a relationship that does not suit me. My heart has been broken and abused too many times to simply let it get crushed underneath the need to be in a relationship.

On to other things... Krys and I were talking about funerals, quite morbid if I do say so myself. But he was saying that if he had moved on the next world, he would want "In My Life" by the Beatles to be played at his funeral. And I thought, what sad song would I like played on my funeral day? I thought about the saddest song that I knew and one couldn't come to mind, instead I thought about the Jungle song, the one that goes, "In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight..." or "Kiss The Girl" from The Little Mermaid, another one that just came to mind was "That's What Friends Are For." He he he, happy songs. I don't think that I've lived a perfect, happy, life, but I think I've been lucky enough to have been blessed with such wonderful friends and family that it makes all the difference.

Payce.

P.S. Who said YOU could read this?!?