So, I messed up again. Just when I was starting to open up to someone, I had to go and mess it up. Of course, it's typical. Just when you actually meet a decent person who might actually make a difference in your life, you fuck up. At the same time, I'm kind of relieved that we are having problems because it's one less heartache that I escaped. I don't know, I haven't met him, we haven't seen each other face to face, and yet I somehow want to be a part of his life. I know I'm not getting attached too quickly because unlike other gay people, I can actually pace myself and know where I need to go. But still, it's like I'm burning my own bridges. How do you really know though when you are falling for someone? Do you think about them endlessly, like a beating heart that's always there. Are they just somehow constantly out of reach, like a dream in the wee hours of the morning?


Today was one of those bad days. It wasn't completely horrible, but it was up there with atrocious... or is that worse than horrible? I think I was on my "down" from last Saturday. The day started out OK, but by midday, I was gloomy and in a bad mood. Not to mention that the guy I used to like was on campus with my friend. Nothing worse than seeing someone you DON'T want to see on your home-turf. I tried calling a couple of people, I didn't really know whether I wanted to be around people or not, but I eventually didn't have a choice because I had to go to work. I was training the new girl because our Head Receptionist sucks at training people. Basically I've trained most of the workers at the salon. Then the rest of the night I just spent on talking to random people.